be free!

I'm a person who likes to be in control. I don't enjoy flying because I'm at the complete mercy of the pilot and weather conditions. Group projects mostly annoy me because I'd rather just do it all myself and know it has been done right than to trust in the abilities of others. I like being the driver. I'd rather take the blame for something I did than suffer the consequences of someone else's mistake. I feel the safest when I am in charge.

Maybe that's why it is so hard to trust in a God I cannot see and to find comfort in the arms of Someone whom I cannot feel. A relationship with the God of this universe requires faith in the unseen. To relinquish the control of my life to this God who is beyond human understanding, whose existence I know through faith alone, is scary.

And yet, maybe it's liberating at the same time. To know that I am not in control of what happens in the world, what happens to me, what happens to the people I love, perhaps relieves me of feeling hopeless or like I've failed. To remember and confidently believe that Someone else holds those reins frees me.

But as everyone likes to say, it is easier said than done. It is simpler to know something than to apply it. Yet, perhaps I'm a step closer to understanding this freedom because I've acknowledged it's truth.

While I go through some challenging and emotionally difficult times right now, I must remember that I am free. I am free of controlling my future, of controlling what happens and what does not. My life, whether I choose to accept it or not, is in the hands of Another. He goes before me. It would be a lie to say that I don't feel anxious about the unknown, but I know that worrying does me no good.

Life was not meant to be lived in fear.