recently

Things:

♥ I can't help but get annoyed with those groups of high school kids that loiter around in inconvenient places. It is equally annoying when the high school"couples" do nothing but grope each other at these inconvenient PUBLIC places, where n o b o d y wants to see that.

♥ I bought season six of The Office for $15 at Target. A steal.

♥ Tomorrow I start my workout routine. Can I stick with it? So far, I haven't been able to exercise as consistently as I should, but this time...THIS time, I (hopefully) will.

♥ In one short week, I fly to Washington for 5 days to see Stephanie! I'm praying that I can also make some good connections with organizations that may be interested in hiring me or pointing me in some sort of direction. I need direction right now!

♥ I finally got my hair cut last week and it feels so much healthier.

♥ My room is clean after being RIDICULOUSLY messy for weeks and I've been really intentional about keeping it that way.

♥ I have been obsessed with slurpees recently, particularly a mixture of cola, cherry and blue raspberry flavors. SO good. And SO bad for me, I know. Why can't I crave healthy things, like carrots or apples?

♥ I bought a bunch of sweet stickers at Michaels today, to be used for my future scrapbooking projects.

♥ A new television show that I find myself (surprisingly) interested in is Alaska Wildlife Troopers. It's fascinating to hear about a state I don't really know anything about and to see all of its beautiful (freeeeeeeeezing) landscape. You should tune in. It's pretty educational and more wholesome than those ridiculous reality shows...(which I can't stop watching). Ooooh, the media.

And now, because I LOVE pictures, here are some random ones just because.

[super excited about celebrating my 18th birthday]


[freshman year of college at a football game...I really miss college]


[a cute moment while this boy enjoys his huge reptile book]


[the precious kids I babysat for around 8 years...enjoying a week camping with their family at Oceanside]


[aaaah, how I miss dancing in high school]


[my best friend from college during my freshman year...we left that banana on that window sill for MONTHS...these are the kinds of "fun" things that keep us occupied while attending a university in the middle of cornfields]


[Erin and I in the summer of 2008, enjoying breakfast at Mimi's and catching up with a friend from high school]

on my mind

It is amazing the influence that parents have on their children. I don't think I've realized until recently the incredible impact a mother/father has on a child, and the way that certain experiences with a parent can completely mold a child's future.

I see it on television. Those shows about women who "snap" and men who are extremely abusive have usually grown up in dangerous homes with distant and neglectful parents. Maybe it's weird of me to say, but I can feel compassion for these people that really don't know anything other than violence and hate. How can we expect children to grow up into productive and loving adults if no one shows them what that looks like? And the consequences of a bad parent-child relationship doesn't have to be extremely drastic. It can take the form of bad eating habits or a low self-esteem. But either way, it's really sad.

I see it in my kids. Almost all the boys (and previously, the girls) placed here have had disappointing relationships with their parents, if their parents have even been a part of their lives at all. Some of the children have what we call "mommy issues" and react negatively to the female staff. Some of the girls had men issues and became really uncomfortable or hostile around the male staff. There are the kids who are angry and acuse us of trying to take the place of their parents. Then there are the kids who have such a low self-worth and don't know how to appropriately interact with their peers. I saw that a lot with the young teenage girls that used to live here. They would engage in relationships with guys that showed any amount of attention to them, even if that attention was negative and disrespectful...because to them, negative attention was better than no attention. When I get frustrated with these kids and super impatient, I want to remember that I may be one of only a few positive people in their young lives.

I see it in myself. Now that I'm older, I can see how I've been affected by my relationship with my mom (or perhaps, the lack of it). I can see how I've been affected by my relationship with my step-mom and dad. Though I could never fully understand, I can empathize with the children who feel like they've been abandoned. I can understand how no one's love and acceptance can make up for the depressing rejection inflicted by the two people who should have loved them the most.

Tonight, I am reminded why I want to work with children and how important it is that trustworthy and compassionate adults take time to spend with the children that need them. I am reminded of the importance of family.

boo

I just wrote a long post on something completely random and when I tried to "publish" it, my computer decided to be mean to me. So bye-bye post. Maybe it was a sign that all my jabber really wasn't worth people reading. However, I will post this video. It is a simple video, with pictures of the two days Erin and I spent in Julian. I feel like pictures are so much more powerful and memory-evoking when they are put to music. So here you go.

video happiness

I meant to get these videos up earlier, but I couldn't figure out how to upload them from my phone. Well I did and here they are. These are from when I babysat Tess and Jack last Saturday, capturing some cute moments on video.

[Stephanie, I thought you especially would enjoy and appreciate these videos]

Tess loved looking at her books (the background music is one year old Jack pounding on a little piano) and she is able to talk so well! She was so cute looking through all her books and "reading" all the words.


I was trying to get her to name all the colors, but her favorite word/picture was "sippy cup." She was very excited to find that page.


Do you know how to make a taco shape with your tongue? I do and Tess was obsessed with it! She kept saying "taco!" and tried to grab my tongue every time I stuck it out. I was laughing hysterically at the way she kept saying "Taco! Taco!" Oh and by the way, it sounds like I'm yelling at her at one point, but I'm not. That was just my "keep the phone away from her, but still get this on video" voice. Sorry Tess. You know I love you!


This is Tess being such a girl and applying her tasty chapstick (yeah, ask Jack if it was tasty). She may have smeared a little across her cheek, but no big deal.


We watched Frosty the Snowman twice and I loved it because it gave me a break from chasing after two hyper little children. This is around 9:00pm and both of them were close to dozing off. I thought Jack was so cute watching Frosty and look at his little fingers tapping away.

my week

On Saturday the 15th, I watched Tess and another little boy named Jack. Tess is the daughter of some friends that I met through Hillview. I had forgotten how tiring it is to babysit two little children...they were running around non-stop, having a happy (loud) time together. But, it was fun to be with a different age group for a few hours...oh, and it was also cool to not be assaulted or anything. Thank you Tess for your innocence.

[she was so cute putting on her chapstick]


[she loved looking at books and listening to me read to her]


On Monday the 17th, I worked all day (because the kids were out of school). I was about to leave around 900pm and was just getting into my car to head to the gym, when I got a text saying that I was needed. I walked back to cottage and found the big room (or what is known in other households as the living room) looking like this: [see picture below] Except worse. Two children had thrown probably 5 or more decks of cards all over the room...each card thrown individually. There were game pieces EVERYWHERE and all the books and DVD's on the shelf had been thrown across the room as well. There were even cards soaking wet in the sink.

[The room was much messier than this picture...we were almost done cleaning by now. All but a couple decks of Skip-Bo had to be thrown away. What a waste]


[a co-worker sorting through the mess to save a few decks of cards]


On Tuesday the 18th, I discovered Picnik. It loads a little slowly on my computer, but I love the editing I can do with it. It is simple and easy to figure out, but can really change the look of a picture.

[before]


[after]


On Wednesday the 19th, I got together with a college friend of mine. Kayleigh and I had not spoken or seen each other in years, as our paths went different ways, but we recently reconnected and quickly planned to spend some time together. She went to IWU, which is about 20 minutes away from Taylor and we met while watching TU baseball games. Kayleigh ended up living in California and only half an hour away from me (well, without traffic...so probably add like 2,343,369 minutes). We met up at Miguel's in Corona for dinner and it was SO good to catch up with an old friend. It's cool how you can just pick up where you left off with some people. I'm thankful that we were able to share our lives with each other and we plan to hang out again soon.

[Kayleigh and I at the mall in the fall of 2007]


[in the spring of 2007]


On Friday the 21st, I was off and spent time with Hannah. I was supposed to get up and work out in the morning (yeeeeeeeeeah, that didn't happen). We went out for lunch at Chili's and then saw Due Date at the dollar theater in La Mirada. It was a movie I had been wanting to see for a while and for two dollars? Heck yeah!

[this might be the first picture I have of Hannah and I together...on our way to Sonics]


[Memorial Day at Hillview in 2010]


Today is Saturday and I worked, but we only had two boys in cottage because the rest were on visits. Soon after a late breakfast, another staff and I took these two boys to Prado Park to fish. It was beautiful outside and the park was so wide open and green. I am not a fan of fish or fishing, but it was nice to be outside enjoying the weather. And the boys were so great. Bonus.

[such a perfect day]


[This boy was so patient while trying to figure out his fishing pole hook thing. Too bad I was no help because I know absolutely nothing about fishing]


Sweet, sweet news! On February 9th, I will be visiting Stephanie in Washington! I have been meaning to take a vacation up there for so long, so I'm super happy it's finally happening. I'm calling it a productive vacation because it will be a good opportunity for me to look for more jobs and be available for companies to see me in person...not just an email that they (probably don't even) read. I'll be out there for five days and I'm way excited for the colder weather, the beautiful nature and the break from my job.

[Hillview's annual spring break day...our cottage was decorated as "Alice in Wonderland" and Step and I are enjoying the cupcakes we made]


[May 2010 in Hollywood. This is the day we were supposed to hike to the Hollywood sign, but definitely didn't happen because we got stuck in so much ridiculous traffic and had to be back at work in a few hours]


[my second time snowboarding at Snow Valley...I think the sun was in our eyes, haha]

nothing particular

Observations, thoughts, comments:

: Black Swan is a creepy movie...and I walked away confused.

: I wish I felt comfortable about letting my emotions show.

: I'm glad I worked out today even though I didn't want to do it. Getting to the gym is the hardest part, but after I'm there, I love the exercise.

: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." PHILIPPIANS 4:4-6

: I absolutely HATE the sound of styrofoam against styrofoam...it can be compared to the sound of nails down a chalkboard, it's that bad.

: I recently fell in love with the song "Beautiful Things" by Gungor, thanks to Pandora.

: Prayer is more powerful than I have often acknowledged.

: Joy is uncontrollable, unmanageable, irrational gratitude.

: I have recently realized that my three years of computer classes in high school was actually worth it...not that I had a say in the matter.

: I want to cook more because it's healthier and cheaper. I just have to get over the "more time and effort" part of it.

: I am waaaaay overdue for a haircut. Unfortunately, it didn't happen this weekend, BUT it's because I chose to work out instead. Which is a good excuse.

a sigh of relief

I just finished working four days and am SO looking forward to having both Saturday and Sunday off. I got lucky. Of course these kids don't have school on Monday because of the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday (seriously, are these children EVER in school?), buuuut I still happily look forward to my two precious days off. My plans:

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep in (this is me jumping for joy about being able to get some precious and rare beauty sleep...and NOT having to set my alarm!)


work out


get a haircut (hopefully...maybe chop it off?)


hang out with this friend and enjoy going to church


babysit this sweet little girl


make a few trips to Starbucks (duh)


relax like it's my job

love and be loved

I am just plugging away at these job applications, praying that God opens doors! I am trying to have a better attitude while I'm working here and patiently waiting. Well, at least I'm trying to be patient. I asked for some time off the beginning of February to fly out to Washington. If that gets approved, I will visit Stephanie and hopefully give out some resumes in person.

I did have a good day at work yesterday. I was encouraged by one boy in particular who was unusually welcoming and open with me. I enjoyed him a lot and there was a lot more laughter and unity at work than there has been recently...a small blessing during a challenging time for me. I also spent time with a good friend after work. It was so refreshing to catch up and just love each other through listening and sharing life's most recent hardships and praises. Relationships are SO important!! I have been so convicted of this and have been trying to be more intentional about spending time with people. I think I've written about this before, but God has really been pressing this on my heart, making it worth mentioning again.

[Mankind is no island]



I saw this video on another person's blog and fell in love with it. The video aroused so many emotions in myself. How can you not be convicted after watching this? We were meant to live in fellowship and harmony with one another, building each other up and loving like God has first loved us. Maybe that means giving someone the benefit of the doubt sometimes. Assumptions can be hurtful and are just a sorry excuse to not take the time to understand. Let's be more understanding, quick to forgive, filled with compassion and generous with love.

round three

Today I went snowboarding with my sister. I'll admit that I was a little apprehensive about it because the first two times I went, it proved to be a challenging sport and I remember being SO sore afterwards. Kristen and I were also nervous about the weather (last time, the car slipped on the ice LUCKILY, while we were on the side of the road next to the wall).

Buuuut, the weather turned out to be perfect. It wasn't too cold and the sun was out, giving us perfect visibility. We were also surprised to find that it was not crowded at all. Booyah.

Speaking of the weather, there was a thin layer of ice on my car when I left Chino at 745am this morning. I actually used my ice scraper that I got while living in Indiana. Crazy.


Taking advantage of the gorgeous view while driving up the mountain. It was crazy windy.


A picture together.


Going up the ski lifts!


We stopped for a quick lunch break, shoving down food and Gatorade so we could get back out to the snow.


The view at the top of the lifts was amazing and because there were so few people, it was really quiet and a lot of snow was untouched.


I was done before Kristen, barely getting down the last slope because I was so tired. I sat down to read and wait for Kristen to finish getting some rides in, but she joined me soon after. She made it down two mores slopes before deciding to call it a day. We were/are exhausted. But never too exhausted to take great pictures like this.


So when Kristen and I took a break for lunch, I walked by a woman who looked like Tori Spelling. I didn't really think much of it until Kristen mentioned the same thought. Yes, it was definitly Tori Spelling AND her whole family! And yes, I was quite star-struck. Kristen and I were surprised that they had come to Snow Valley to snowboard/ski and we were also surprised that people weren't hounding them. Some girls came up to take a picture with Tori Spelling's husband, Dean McDermott. An attractive man, I will admit (and a lot taller/bigger in person!) If I was braver and didn't mind being "that" annoying person, I would have gotten a picture with them. But, because I didn't want to interrupt their little family vacation, I just creepily stalked them instead.


And then Kristen took a video.


We kept waiting for the perfect turnout to stop and take some pictures of the beautiful sunset. When we got out of the car, we were nearly BLOWN OVER by the wind! It was so freaking cold and incredibly windy. We snapped a couple pictures and ran back to the car.

to whom it may concern

dear radio stations,
Please stop playing the same songs over and over. It's overkill to play the same song sixty thousand times a day.

dear Starbucks,
Thank you for existing.

dear 2011,
Be kind to me. Bring me new adventures, fun memories, lots of pictures.

dear Washington,
Please let me find a job in your state. This whole job process thing has been pretty unproductive and it's frustrating. I don't want to be frustrated.

dear weather,
I would love it if you stayed cold forever. Summer doesn't have to exist, does it?

dear little green Saturn,
I realize that you have traveled over 150,000 miles and you've done good. Hang in there because I need you.

dear body,
Keep going to the gym. It's good for you.

dear Jodi Picoult,
I have read all sixteen of your books. I hope you're working on another one because I don't know what to do with myself these days. You are an incredible author.

dear April 15,
Please come slowly. I'm not ready to turn 24 yet.

dear scrapbooking,
My love for you is great, even though you can sometimes be expensive. You help me to relax, to express my creativity, and to make my memories something tangible.

this too shall pass

I have been SO tired lately and I don't know what is going on with me. I feel so lazy and lethargic, frustrated that I'm stuck in this job I've already mentally checked out of and discouraged about not seeing any new opportunities in my near future. I hate starting the new year already feeling defeated. I've got to keep my head up.