After such a great week with the girls, there was bound to be a difficult day sprinkled in somewhere. Unfortunately, that happened to be today. After a 15-minute restraint with one unsafe child, I went back inside to deal with more chaos. One of our teenagers had raided the fridge and had several eggs cradled in her t-shirt. In the craziness of attempting to escort her outside, I got an egg violently thrown at my face.
It sounds funny and thinking back to it, I laugh. But the egg had been thrown from two feet away and hit me directly on my left cheekbone. It splattered immediately and I got egg in my hair, down my shirt, all over my face and even in my eye. I don't know the consequences of raw egg in the eye, but I wasn't about to find out. I rushed to the sink and started flushing out my eye as another staff was calling the police. I kept flushing my eye with water and I don't think any damage was done. I do have a slightly swollen and sore left cheekbone, though.
In staff training today, we briefly talked about our expectations of this job when we were first hired. One person said that he saw the good of this program and expected to unconditionally love and care for these kids without ever doubting why he was here. Ha. I remember that feeling and I also remember that expectation getting brutally crushed. People tell me I'm making a difference, that I'm changing lives. I pray that I'm doing something good because it is hard to keep discouragement from settling in and digging me a pity pool.
Ok, I can't think of a good, conclusive ending to this blog so I'll leave it be. I'm tired. Goodnight April 29th.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
it's time
I don't know exactly when God moved several notches down on my priority list. Working the job that I am and the hours that I do, makes it so easy to make excuses. I don't have time to go to church because I work too much. I don't have time to read my Bible because I'm always so exhausted when I finally do have time to myself. I can't get involved in any church or small group activities because my work schedule is so inconsistent.
Hm. I've been thinking a lot about the things that are important to me. And recently, I've also been overwhelmed with how exhasuted I am and how emotionally spent I've felt. In certain moments, I feel like I can't continue. So how do I persevere when it feels like I have absolutely nothing left inside of me?
I want to invite God back into my life. I want to be broken so that He can pick up the pieces and start healing my heart. I want to rely on Him for all the things I need...for strength, for love, for the role of Father in my life. After being so prayer-less, I've started offering up small prayers and it reminds me that I am not in control. That is sometimes a scary thought, but it also brings relief to know that He goes before me.
It is going to be a slow process, I know, because I've let myself think that I can do it without Him for the past year.
It's time for a change.
Hm. I've been thinking a lot about the things that are important to me. And recently, I've also been overwhelmed with how exhasuted I am and how emotionally spent I've felt. In certain moments, I feel like I can't continue. So how do I persevere when it feels like I have absolutely nothing left inside of me?
I want to invite God back into my life. I want to be broken so that He can pick up the pieces and start healing my heart. I want to rely on Him for all the things I need...for strength, for love, for the role of Father in my life. After being so prayer-less, I've started offering up small prayers and it reminds me that I am not in control. That is sometimes a scary thought, but it also brings relief to know that He goes before me.
It is going to be a slow process, I know, because I've let myself think that I can do it without Him for the past year.
It's time for a change.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
good to me
After four days of working, I was off today. And it was spectacular. I got up around 900am and worked out (I even surprised myself with that one). I got all ready and then drove down to Escondido to see my sister.
We started driving...
To a park that that has a sweet artsy thing...
And then we ate lunch at Panda Express.
Then I went to see John and he had very cute pets.
We went on a hike. It was steep, but I ran the entire way up. Just kidding.
I got back to Hillview at 930pm...just enough time to post a blog before going to sleep. Goodnight Saturday. Thanks for being so good to me.
We started driving...
To a park that that has a sweet artsy thing...
And then we ate lunch at Panda Express.
Then I went to see John and he had very cute pets.
We went on a hike. It was steep, but I ran the entire way up. Just kidding.
I got back to Hillview at 930pm...just enough time to post a blog before going to sleep. Goodnight Saturday. Thanks for being so good to me.
Monday, April 19, 2010
i miss...
...camping trips with friends
...my mom
...high school
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...my favorite roommate, Allie
...Polar Pops!
...my kitty, David
...vacations in Myrtle Beach
...fall in the midwest
...being in love
...going to church
...these kids
...hanging out at my best friend's house
...snow in Indiana!
...dancing
...being in college
...these two lovely ladies
...my family
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I'm feeling nostalgic today, and maybe a little bit sad. I miss the way things used to be.
...my mom
...high school
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...my favorite roommate, Allie
...Polar Pops!
...my kitty, David
...vacations in Myrtle Beach
...fall in the midwest
...being in love
...going to church
...these kids
...hanging out at my best friend's house
...snow in Indiana!
...dancing
...being in college
...these two lovely ladies
...my family
.jpg)
I'm feeling nostalgic today, and maybe a little bit sad. I miss the way things used to be.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
holy cow, i'm 23
I can't believe I am approaching my mid-twenties!! I don't know where all the time went and when I grew up. Last year, I had been working at Hillview for only two months and have now been here for over a year! I'm looking forward to a year filled with new opportunities and change.
To celebrate today, Erin took me out. She didn't tell me what we were doing until we got there...she bought tickets for us to go on a VIP tour of the WB studios!! It was AWESOME and definitely made for a great 23rd birthday. At the beginning of the tour, we stopped at a museum that held the original costumes from different movies. A couple of memorable outfits: Heath Ledger's purple Joker suit, freaking Christian Bale's Batman armor suit, outfits and props from the movie Sweeney Todd, and an entire floor dedicated to Harry Potter.
We saw a lot of stuff...too much to write about, so here are some pictures :)
It's hard to see, but behind us is a painting of some WB characters
The Batmobile that George Clooney drove in Batman and Robin
OMG. Our favorite part...the original set of Friends!!
A set used in an episode of Friends
A scene from Rent was filmed here!
It was a good, good day. I'm so thankful for my friends and look forward to year 23 :)
To celebrate today, Erin took me out. She didn't tell me what we were doing until we got there...she bought tickets for us to go on a VIP tour of the WB studios!! It was AWESOME and definitely made for a great 23rd birthday. At the beginning of the tour, we stopped at a museum that held the original costumes from different movies. A couple of memorable outfits: Heath Ledger's purple Joker suit, freaking Christian Bale's Batman armor suit, outfits and props from the movie Sweeney Todd, and an entire floor dedicated to Harry Potter.
We saw a lot of stuff...too much to write about, so here are some pictures :)
It's hard to see, but behind us is a painting of some WB characters
The Batmobile that George Clooney drove in Batman and Robin
OMG. Our favorite part...the original set of Friends!!
A set used in an episode of Friends
A scene from Rent was filmed here!
It was a good, good day. I'm so thankful for my friends and look forward to year 23 :)
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
i'm a survivor
Today was...hmm...a little bit chaotic and required a LOT of patience. It was spring break day and started off with lots of fun games and activities outside. Once all the spring break day hoopla was over, all the staff and girls took some time to chill and relax in the air-conditioned cottage. Staff also took a lot of pictures to document today. Here dey is.
We went to see a movie in the afternoon. Let me tell you, How to Train Your Dragon lived up to my expectations and made all my wildest dreams come true. That movie was soooo freaking cute and will definitely be on my "must purchase" list when it comes out on DVD. Oh, I also forgot to mention that it was Knewenle's last day, a staff who has been here for over two years. She is amazing and we all love her, but the girls were having a bit of a hard time coping with the reality of her leaving.
We barely made it through dinner at Carl's Jr. We tried getting the girls in the van and back to campus, but that definitely did not work. Here's what happened instead: One girl starts threatening another and banging violently on the windows of the van. This resulted in my first public restraint. I felt so uncomfortable and embarassed to be restraining a kid outside the parking lot of Carl's Jr. on a patch of grass. Cars slowed down as they drove by and I can't blame them. Some of them were honking and asking if we needed help. It worked to our advantage that our little ball of anger child was cussing at them, because it caused them to be somewhat understanding of what was happening. A woman called the police, which again, I can't blame her for. Before this job, I probably would have called the police if I saw three adults holding down a screaming child. The officer came and was helpful and we made it back to campus.
I got away with some grass stains on my jeans and a little bit more confidence. I was always nervous of what my first restraint in public would look like, but I survived.
We went to see a movie in the afternoon. Let me tell you, How to Train Your Dragon lived up to my expectations and made all my wildest dreams come true. That movie was soooo freaking cute and will definitely be on my "must purchase" list when it comes out on DVD. Oh, I also forgot to mention that it was Knewenle's last day, a staff who has been here for over two years. She is amazing and we all love her, but the girls were having a bit of a hard time coping with the reality of her leaving.
We barely made it through dinner at Carl's Jr. We tried getting the girls in the van and back to campus, but that definitely did not work. Here's what happened instead: One girl starts threatening another and banging violently on the windows of the van. This resulted in my first public restraint. I felt so uncomfortable and embarassed to be restraining a kid outside the parking lot of Carl's Jr. on a patch of grass. Cars slowed down as they drove by and I can't blame them. Some of them were honking and asking if we needed help. It worked to our advantage that our little ball of anger child was cussing at them, because it caused them to be somewhat understanding of what was happening. A woman called the police, which again, I can't blame her for. Before this job, I probably would have called the police if I saw three adults holding down a screaming child. The officer came and was helpful and we made it back to campus.
I got away with some grass stains on my jeans and a little bit more confidence. I was always nervous of what my first restraint in public would look like, but I survived.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
hello easter 2010
It's Easter today! It didn't really feel like Easter because I was working, but I had a good day with the girls. We had a picnic in the park, had an AMAAAAZING steak dinner (and I usually don't even like steak) and then an Easter egg hunt. Admist all that, we were also decorating for spring break day, which is Wednesday. It's a day of fun and games for the kids while they have the week off. Cottages earn prizes for winning games, sportsmanship, best cottage decorations and such. In the girls cottage, our theme this year is Alice in Wonderland. We have been working ridiculously hard to get all the decorations made and put up on the walls. It will be awesome. I can't wait to post pictures of our finished product!
ALSO. Remember that time there was an earthquake today?!? I was sitting at the table, cutting out pictures of flowers when I felt the ground start to shake. I was already feeling a bit shaky and lightheaded, so at first I thought nothing of it. But it continued and it almost felt as if I was on a boat that was moving over rolling waves. It wasn't a shaky earthquake like I've normally experienced. It was very subtle, but you could definitely feel the waves. Once I figured out what was going on, I started getting super nervous. We haven't prepared for an earthquake, so I was hoping it wouldn't get worse. Luckily it didn't. It seemed to go on for a while, but it definitely wasn't bad, just unexpected. Our girls did well, except for one who came out of the hallway running and screaming that her bed was shaking. Haha.
Happy Easter everyone. I hope we all remember the meaning of it.
Since I don't have a picture of my Easter this year,
here is what I was doing exactly one year ago. Ahhhh :)
ALSO. Remember that time there was an earthquake today?!? I was sitting at the table, cutting out pictures of flowers when I felt the ground start to shake. I was already feeling a bit shaky and lightheaded, so at first I thought nothing of it. But it continued and it almost felt as if I was on a boat that was moving over rolling waves. It wasn't a shaky earthquake like I've normally experienced. It was very subtle, but you could definitely feel the waves. Once I figured out what was going on, I started getting super nervous. We haven't prepared for an earthquake, so I was hoping it wouldn't get worse. Luckily it didn't. It seemed to go on for a while, but it definitely wasn't bad, just unexpected. Our girls did well, except for one who came out of the hallway running and screaming that her bed was shaking. Haha.
Happy Easter everyone. I hope we all remember the meaning of it.
Since I don't have a picture of my Easter this year,
here is what I was doing exactly one year ago. Ahhhh :)
Saturday, April 3, 2010
back in action
I must admit that after ten days of no work, it was really hard getting out of bed this morning. But after being with the girls for a few hours, I got back into the groove of things and had a good day. It was nice to be back with my lovely co-workers and my girls were mostly nice to me :)
I drove down to Escondido yesterday to visit my grandma again and spent some time with Kristen. We had some time to kill, so we took fun pictures.
I drove down to Escondido yesterday to visit my grandma again and spent some time with Kristen. We had some time to kill, so we took fun pictures.
Friday, April 2, 2010
catching up
On Wednesday, I got back from a week-long vacation in Indiana. Yes, a vacation in Indiana. People made fun of me, but that is where my closest friends live and where the last four years of my life were spent. I don't really feel like writing a long description of what I did and it was mostly just relaxing and not doing much anyway. So...
Here is a list of random thoughts, highlights and happenings from my trip:
:: I watched a lot of movies
:: I discovered that Sweeney Todd was fantastic
:: I drank a loooooot of soda
:: I didn't take one picture with my camera
:: I still love Indiana and think it is way prettier than California
:: I am blessed to have great friends
:: I really miss college
:: There was lots of laughter
:: Flying in and out of Las Vegas is ridiculous
It was a good trip, a much needed restful vacation from the craziness of my job.
I got back Wednesday, but still had yesterday and today off. I spent yesterday with Stephanie, catching up on life. A lot happens in a week away from Hillview. We got manicures with a friend and then went to an Angels/Padres exhibition game. We only stayed until the seventh inning (they were free tickets), then picked up ice cream and watched a couple episodes of Friends. A good day :)
Showing off our manicures
Outside of the Angels stadium
We ♥ our Toms
Here is a list of random thoughts, highlights and happenings from my trip:
:: I watched a lot of movies
:: I discovered that Sweeney Todd was fantastic
:: I drank a loooooot of soda
:: I didn't take one picture with my camera
:: I still love Indiana and think it is way prettier than California
:: I am blessed to have great friends
:: I really miss college
:: There was lots of laughter
:: Flying in and out of Las Vegas is ridiculous
It was a good trip, a much needed restful vacation from the craziness of my job.
I got back Wednesday, but still had yesterday and today off. I spent yesterday with Stephanie, catching up on life. A lot happens in a week away from Hillview. We got manicures with a friend and then went to an Angels/Padres exhibition game. We only stayed until the seventh inning (they were free tickets), then picked up ice cream and watched a couple episodes of Friends. A good day :)
Showing off our manicures
Outside of the Angels stadium
We ♥ our Toms
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