if you were here...

I would call you to talk about what was going on in my life. I would call for advice and for a listening ear. I would call just because you are my mother.

If you were here, I would make sure to end every conversation with I love you because I never want to regret not saying it enough.

If you were here, people would say that I sound like you when I laugh.

If you were here, I would tell you how beautiful you are and how much I look up to you simply because you are my mom, even though I'm sure you'd admit to having some regrets. I would ask to hear your story because there is still so much about you that I don't know. I would tell you how much I appreciate you. Moms don't hear that enough.

If you were here, I would tell you that I love chocolate-covered gummi bears, just like you.

If you were here, you would be 50 years old.

If you were here, we would reminisce about my childhood. You would remind me of embarassing moments, of funny and endearing memories. You would help me remember a part of my life that has turned into only a distant and hazy fog.

If you were here, I hope that I would make you proud of the woman I have become and all that I've accomplished. To hear you say I am proud of you would be the sweetest words.

I miss the mom you were, the mom you could have been.

Wish you were here.

some things [never] change

I love comparing pictures, to see how much has changed and to remember how things used to be.

[this picture started innocently right after we graduated in 2005 and turned into a tradition / to which all of our friends/photographers of the following pictures ask, "So, you're both in the front seat?"]

[my sister used to be a cat]

 [oh, my hair.]

[you can't see her, but I love the picture on the left because my mom is sitting in a chair watching me play / Lake Tahoe vacation with family friends / at Redondo Beach]

[carving a pumpkin / going to see Beauty&TheBeast at The Pantages]

[gymnastics on the lawn / summer after my first semester at college / on top of Half Dome]

[don't you think the girl on the right looks like an alive version of that doll?]

 [my dad recently teased my sister and I about not changing a bit since we were younger / this picture makes me smile and nod my head in agreement]

[i'm glad that some things never change]

[and just because I have years of pictures with this girl]

yosemite: three

We kept it chill on the last day so we could recover. We spent our last few hours at Yosemite in Curry Village, being smart and taking the bus to explore. Our first stop was Happy Isles Nature Center.



We took the bus to the Ahwahnee Hotel to wander around. It was my first time there and it was beautiful, though I don't know that I could justify spending $400 a night to stay there. Outrageous! We saw another Bambi and also a wedding being set up. Presh.



Though we didn't have much time, it was a good last day wandering around the valley. We left around 1230pm and finally made it home about nine hours later. I thought it would feel so good to have a bed, but I really missed the freshness of the mountain air and the easygoing vibe I felt living in nature for four days. Yosemite was good to us and we'll most definitely be back.

yosemite: two

Hiking Half Dome was the plan for the next day. Except, we spontaneously decided to do it in the middle of the night. This was Erin's third time hiking Half Dome, my second time and Detoy's first time. We figured that since Erin and I had gone before, hiking in the dark with no sleep would be a fun adventure. We were hoping to be on the top by sunrise, but also knew that we realistically would probably not be. However, even being at a high elevation for sunrise would still be cool. We went to sleep around 1000pm and woke up to an annoying alarm at 1245am. THREE hours of sleep, which I was not happy about. We grabbed our gear and our food and headed out.

Haha, there is so much to say about our little midnight adventure. First of all, it was PITCH black. We had to walk about a mile to the bottom of the trail and it was completely silent and completely dark. For the beginning of the hike, we were the only ones on the trail and all we could hear was the rushing water running next to us. There were a couple moments when we turned off our [stylish] headlamps and looked up at the stars. To say they were incredible is an understatement. It was beyond beautiful.

Then the fun began. Soon after we started the hike, we lost the trail. Everything looked different in the dark! We wandered off and ended up climbing over huge rocks and fallen trees, which also happened to be RIGHT next to the raging river. We were getting completely soaked with freezing water, while having no idea where we were in the pitch blackness of the night. If you think this sounds dramatic, it was. I insisted on going up higher to get away from the water, even if that meant that we went further away from the trail [which we weren't even on in the first place]. We went higher and Detoy found the trail. We were excited to finally be making some progress uuuuuuuntil we found out that we just made a huge circle. And then my contact randomly fell out. Praise Jesus that I found it.

After making a huge circle, we argued for a couple minutes about whether or not we really did end up back where we started. Yes, we most definitely did and once we hit the trail, we realized that it was a ridiculously OBVIOUS trail. Like I said, everything looks different in the dark. Our detour put us back a little bit and we were also freeeeeezing to death, but happy to be making some progress.

The last couple miles of the hike were definitely the hardest for me. I was slow for the steep ramp and the switchback granite stairs, but the last two miles of hiking up a steady incline really seemed to kill me. Though the sun was comforting to my freezing body, it did start to wear me out and I began feeling completely out of energy. It helps to have small goals. Instead of thinking about being on the top, I made it around the corner. Up the hill. To the shaded rocks. At times it was slow going, but I knew i was going to do it.

When we got to the base of the dome, we had to climb what is called the Granite Staircase. It's a bunch of incredibly steep granite stairs that lead up to the base of the cables. These can be mentally exhausting because they have the potential to be so dangerous. A lot of the granite is layered in loose gravel and one quick slip or one strong wind could leave you falling down the side of the huge boulder. Most likely to your death. But we all made it!

The last leg of the hike were the cables. These go up a steep 400 feet and it takes a lot of strength to pull yourself up. There are wooden planks scattered up the cables to gain footing along the granite dome. It's pretty intimidating to think that your life is literally in your hands because if you let go, you're gone. There's a pile of gloves next to the base of the cables because it's near impossible/very painful to get up the cables without them. I had my own super grippy gloves from Target that were very handy. Erin and Detoy made it up first.

I made it up. Finally. And I was soooo excited to be at the top! There is an amazing 360 degree view. You can see everything and it's exhilarating to be so high up.

We got to the top around 930am, which was CRAZY to me! We hiked 10 miles up to the top of Half Dome before it was even lunchtime. Though getting lost in the dark and being freezing cold for the first part of the trip, I really enjoyed hiking half of it in the middle of the night. It seemed to go by a lot quicker, there were way less people on the cables, and it left a lot of time for error and/or pit stops on the way down.

It was fun to hike down and see everything in the DAYtime. Detoy found where we got lost next to the river and oooooh my goodness. Scary, scary. Seriously, one slip on the mossy rocks could have landed us in the river, where we would have been swiftly swept away. We all decided that we should be on one of those "I Shouldn't Be Alive" shows, for realsies.

I can't even tell you how tired I was at the end of the day. We got back down to the bottom and immediately pulled out our Rainbows to swap our constricting tennis shoes for our comfortable flip-flops. We compared blisters and walked/waddled/limped the last mile back to Curry Village. We celebrated the day by getting pizza and ice cream. When we got back to the campsite, we sat around the fire for a little bit, mostly in silence. The exhaustion of the day outweighed our desire to have any sort of meaningful conversation and we soon resigned ourselves to slumber. Being curled up in a sleeping bag on the ground never felt so good.

yosemite: one

Oh man, there is so much to say about our four day camping trip to Yosemite. It went by so fast and we all wish we could have stayed longer!

Detoy, Erin and I left on Friday morning and soon got stuck in some pretty slow traffic on the freeway. We passed the time playing car games [thanks Detoy] and asking ridiculous "would you rather?" questions.

We stopped at In 'N Out for lunch and got back on the road for the last leg of the trip. Gaaaah, it seemed to take forever to get there!

We were super stoked to finally be in the mountains with all the trees and fresh air. The view was amazing as we got higher. We reached our campground, which was about half an hour outside the valley, and set up camp before it got too dark. We were high-rollers and had steak and corn-on-the-cob for dinner.

We were super excited to explore the next day. We started off driving a billion miles to Glacier Point and taking a billion [incredible] pictures. You can see everything from Glacier Point and it was really cool to see Half Dome, a hike we would conquer the next day.

That same day, we drove down to the valley and parked in Curry Village to do a hike. We decided to hike the Upper Yosemite Falls trail, though we didn't go all the way up. The trail was basically a ton of steep rocky stairs, arranged in switchbacks that went on forever. It was a shock to my not-in-shape body, but the views at the top were amazing and totally worth the 6-mile round trip hike. We could see where we started the trail, which was waaaaaaay down there, and had the views of all three waterfalls.

We got back to the bottom of our hike and were desperate to jump in a cold river. Detoy was the first brave one to get in...that water was freaking ICY cold. Though painful at first, it was refreshing to numb our bodies after the long hike.

here and there

My 4th of July was spent in Escondido with the Minnicks. I love them and always feel like I'm part of the family.

[1: being silly

2: trying to stay away from all the bees that were everywhere

3: me and Amanda!

4: this girl LOVES her buttered corn-on-the-cob]

[1: handstands

2: sweating and out of breath to FINALLY get a good jumping picture]

Today Kristen visited and instead of going out to stuff our faces, we switched it up and stayed in and stuffed our faces. It was a huge meal and SO good thanks to my new grill. And our extremely advanced cooking skills.

[1: you should hold on tight to wet bowls when you're trying to dry them, oops

2: grilling, yeah baby

3: my sweet sister and her beautiful plate of food]

[1: reflections

2: driving to the mall]

[1: Kristen being artsy and getting a picture of me driving using the reflection in her passenger side visor mirror - whew, a mouthful

2: Kristen again doing her thang and looking too cool for school]

Tomorrow: YOSEMITE for 4 days!! This trip was spontaneously and very recently set up, but the three of us are incredibly excited to go! Time to get away from smoggy LA and breathe in the fresh air of sunshine and nature and non-city life. Memories from my past visits to Yosemite:

[2005: I went on a camping trip to Yosemite with a bunch of good friends after graduating from high school. We drive ALLLLLLL the way there and seriously, as we're driving into the campsite, I lose one of my contacts. This thing freaking disappeared. I searched forEVER to find it, but alas, it was gone. I had to swallow my pride and wear my glasses during the whole trip. So annoying and it also allowed me to become the butt of many (non-) funny jokes.]

[2008: The year of Half Dome. I really had no idea what Half Dome was and did the hike at the urging of my friends. My biggest mistake ever - NOT EATING ENOUGH FOOD!! When we woke up early in the morning around 500am, all I had to eat was half of a chocolate muffin from Costco. During almost the entire hike, I felt pretty sick, which makes sense since I had no energy from eating only half a muffin. The sicker I felt, the less I wanted to eat, so I chewed on some Starbursts. The hike up the actual Dome, on the cables, was sooooo brutal! I remember being about halfway up and just feeling utterly exhausted and so faint. I really kind woman on her way down gave me some water, which really did help me to conquer that last leg of the cables. I am not ashamed to say that when I finally reached the top, I cried. Out of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion. Really, half of the hardest part of hiking Half Dome is getting the courage to keep going and DO IT. You've got to conquer a lot of fear and hesitation to finish this incredible hike. But I did it.]