this is it

Well it's finally happening. All of us knew in the back of our heads that it was a possibility, but to actually hear that Hillview is closing down was a shock. We were really led to believe that a merge was happening. We were told that a new company was going to come in and more than likely, keep all of us houseparents because we "have done such great work with the kids" and "it would be a bad decision to replace all of us."

We had the meeting this past Thursday. Originally we were told that by April 30th, everyone would be gone, but (after I had to specifically ASK this question) we were told that there was a good chance we would be laid off before the end of April. There was another meeting several hours later and we were told that our last day of work would be April 6th and we had to be out of our rooms by the 17th. WTF. That meant we had one week left of work and only a little over two weeks to be moved out. THAT was probably the most shocking part of my day. Despite how much I've hated parts of my job and how incredibly challenging it sometimes is, hearing that I'll be kicked out in a short week is pretty emotional. And ten days to find a job AND somewhere to live?? That is a lot to figure out in a short amount of time.

Fortunately, I was already on my way out of Hillview. I had an interview two days before we were told the news. However, I was planning on staying here until I found a new job...oh, how things change. Erin and I did find an apartment (actually, townhouse) that we LOVE. I was waiting to hear back from my job interview before we committed to the new place, but we have decided to go for it since I'll need somewhere to live really soon. Erin offered to let me crash with her for three weeks until we can move to the new apartment. It isn't an ideal situation, but I'll have a roof over my head and for that, I am very thankful.

We told the boys today about Hillview closing down. It was a lot harder than I had anticipated and there were lots of tears, from both the boys and the staff. You don't really know a good thing until it's gone and despite all their blowouts, cussing us out, threatening us, and complaining about everything under the sun, a handful of them voiced today how much this place meant to them. It feels good to be appreciated, though it's sad that it had to end like this. My heart breaks for these boys who continue to be passed around in the system, building relationships and making progress, only to be passed on again to their next placement. It's not fair.

Things will be okay in the end. I hope. It's a weird experience to get laid off from my first "real world" job and at the same time, to lose where I live. I have a lot of memories here. I think it'll take a while to process everything that I have been through, so the next few weeks off will be a good time of relaxation and reflection for me. You can't leave a job like this without being changed and I want to realize the good that came out of (to put it bluntly) so much crap.

one: One of my first memories at Hillview, taken only 2.5 months after I was hired. We were cleaning underneath all the couches and it turned into a "let's jump off the cabinets and onto a pile of pillows" party while the children were sleeping. two: Taking a trip to Sonic with people I barely knew. It's funny to look at this picture from when I hardly knew Hannah and to now think about how close we are and how well we know each other. This girl was one of my closest friends at Hillview. She has encouraged me in so many ways.

three: My first "spring break day" at Hillview, where we play a lot of fun games and the kids get tons of sweet prizes. four: We had a photoshoot of the girls in a park so they could make a photo album of them and their friends. five: A insanely hot July 4th! We had just gone to a parade with the girls and came back to make these July 4th-themed drinks.

six: With Mandi at Hillview's Memorial Day. seven: With Cleaster and Hannah.

I can't believe that tomorrow is my last day working at Hillview ever. I hope to enjoy the boys as much as I can. After that, it's a scramble to find a new job and get all my stuff packed up. I also plan on spending a lot of time with my co-workers (well, former co-workers), since we'll all be here, pretty much doing the same thing until we get kicked out on the 17th. Dang. This is unreal.