on my mind

It is amazing the influence that parents have on their children. I don't think I've realized until recently the incredible impact a mother/father has on a child, and the way that certain experiences with a parent can completely mold a child's future.

I see it on television. Those shows about women who "snap" and men who are extremely abusive have usually grown up in dangerous homes with distant and neglectful parents. Maybe it's weird of me to say, but I can feel compassion for these people that really don't know anything other than violence and hate. How can we expect children to grow up into productive and loving adults if no one shows them what that looks like? And the consequences of a bad parent-child relationship doesn't have to be extremely drastic. It can take the form of bad eating habits or a low self-esteem. But either way, it's really sad.

I see it in my kids. Almost all the boys (and previously, the girls) placed here have had disappointing relationships with their parents, if their parents have even been a part of their lives at all. Some of the children have what we call "mommy issues" and react negatively to the female staff. Some of the girls had men issues and became really uncomfortable or hostile around the male staff. There are the kids who are angry and acuse us of trying to take the place of their parents. Then there are the kids who have such a low self-worth and don't know how to appropriately interact with their peers. I saw that a lot with the young teenage girls that used to live here. They would engage in relationships with guys that showed any amount of attention to them, even if that attention was negative and disrespectful...because to them, negative attention was better than no attention. When I get frustrated with these kids and super impatient, I want to remember that I may be one of only a few positive people in their young lives.

I see it in myself. Now that I'm older, I can see how I've been affected by my relationship with my mom (or perhaps, the lack of it). I can see how I've been affected by my relationship with my step-mom and dad. Though I could never fully understand, I can empathize with the children who feel like they've been abandoned. I can understand how no one's love and acceptance can make up for the depressing rejection inflicted by the two people who should have loved them the most.

Tonight, I am reminded why I want to work with children and how important it is that trustworthy and compassionate adults take time to spend with the children that need them. I am reminded of the importance of family.