exhaustion.

Today wasn't awful, but I'm exhausted. The morning did not start off well. One of my girls waited all the way until 6:40am to start having a problem. It involved throwing shoes against the wall, attempting (with no success) to flood the bathroom, stealing a butter knife from the kitchen, threatening to stab me with the butter knife, and getting a few punches thrown in my general direction. It ended in a restraint, which really wore me out. Man. I get so frustrated with these girls and the way they get so upset about seemingly nonsense little things. But then I remember that their behaviors were learned through difficult experiences - behaviors to self-protect. I remember that these kids may not have the ability to verbalize their anxieties, but their anxieties are definitely legitimate. Though it is my job to keep them safe and prevent them from physically hurting others and themselves, I also want to be sensitive to what they are going through.

This job is not easy. I don't mean to throw a pity party for myself or beg for recognition. I suppose I just feel better having written that down. This job is not easy. It sucks sometimes and I wonder why the hell I'm giving up my life for these kids who have NO idea (nor care to have any idea of) what I do for them. I feel really lonely sometimes, wishing that someone understood how emotionally draining, and sometimes physically draining, this job is almost every day. I seriously thank God for my co-workers. I have been SO freaking blessed to work with amazing women who have become close friends. I don't know how I would do it without them.

I desire more compassion in my life. More love, more grace, more understanding and more patience. God knows I'm running low on patience.