suffocating

I feel like I have no self-worth at this job. Taking care of adolescent boys who are angry and mean and treat me like shit (I'm sorry, but any other word would be an extreme understatement) is just not something that I have the backbone for. Not anymore. I give and give and give, only to be cussed out, hated and treated with incredible disrespect. I am disrespected not only as a woman, but also as a human. You would THINK that someone should be treated with decency simply because they are human. Not here. I guess it isn't my right to be treated with dignity here. I get punched in the face, spit on, threatened and am the brunt of many racist comments with nothing more than a slap on the hand given to these children. RATHER, our abilities as staff are questioned and we are challenged to figure out "what do the children need?" when they act out and assault us. I can understand the good of finding the need behind the behavior, but the behavior must be addressed! How is letting these boys get away with what would be more than enough reason to jail them out in "the real world," considered loving them?

I don't care if you think I'm dramatic. This job is like being in an abusive relationship, both physically and emotionally...one you keep going back to because you have no other option.

I need out so badly.