things

I like lists and ten is a good number.

one
I'm trying to be more addicted to working out and less addicted to eating, though being addicted to either is probably not good thing. Working out is going well so far. It's hard to get myself to the gym, but once I'm there, I feel so relieved. I usually leave my job feeling so tense and stressed. Working out helps me cope.

two
Why are the Chargers being ridiculous this year? Seriously? Losing to the Raiders twice?? I don't get it. I miss wearing my Chargers clothes with pride.

three
Volleyball is an addicting, wonderful sport. I played intramural volleyball for a month in college and my team was awful, but I found out that I really enjoyed playing. I like that it's non-contact and that it requires a lot of control. I play sand volleyball with co-workers at a park here and love it!

four
Christmas is fast approaching and I have yet to buy one single gift. I'm already feeling the pressure of finding stuff for everyone and worrying that there is not enough time. I used to love giving gifts, but after a bad experience one Christmas, I get really nervous about buying a gift that someone won't like. It makes shopping for others more stressful than enjoyable.

five
I have no idea what I want to do after Hillview. I've looked for social service jobs, but part of me wants to take a risk and do something completely different. The question is, what? I wouldn't know where to begin or what to look for. All I know is that I'm ready for something different and am hoping that doors will open soon because I'm getting impatient.

six
Night time is hard for me. Almost every working day, I look forward to getting into bed at night, but with that comes a lot of silence and negative thoughts. I hear lies that I'm not good enough, that I'm a failure, that I'm unloved and unable to be loved. I have a tendency to dwell on certain decisions I've made during the day that I have convinced myself were wrong. I go through all the different ways I should have responded to a situation or someone and hate myself for basically not being perfect. It's exhausting and ridiculous, I know. I'm trying to chill out.

seven
I need to let go of some things. I can't keep having certain expectations in some of my relationships because if I'm honest with myself, I know they may never be met. To keep being unrealistic will only leave me being forever discouraged and disappointed.

eight
I love Hannah because she is genuine. I love Stephanie because she is spontaneous. I love my sister because only she can understand certain parts of me. I love Allie because she is compassionate. I love Julianne because she is loyal. I love Erin because she is driven.

nine
In an effort to be healthier, I have stopped drinking so much soda (I actually haven't had it in a long time) and am trying to cut back on the coffee. I really want to try cooking more meals instead of eating out, which is not only healthier, but also saves tons of money. It is ridiculous how much I spend on food when I have a kitchen available to me. But in my defense, our kitchen is nasty. We caught a mouse a while ago and there are freaking disgusting potato bugs roaming around. Augh! Even writing about them makes me squirm. I'll admit that it's nice not having a rent bill, but I can't wait have a cleaner kitchen.

ten
A really bad habit of mine is reading blogs written by other people that I may or may not know and feeling like their lives are way more exciting/ fun/perfect/spontaneous/meaningful/(fill in the blank) than mine. If only I was married...if only I had a different job...if only I lived somewhere else. I can't do that to myself! It's defeating and unnecessary, taking the focus away from all that I do have and causing me to dwell on what I want or think I need.