i'll miss you

The changes at Hillview included closing down Snyder cottage - the girls cottage that I worked in for almost a year and a half. When I first heard the news, I was fairly unemotional. There was too much information to process at the time, leaving not much time to be sad about saying goodbye to the girls. Once the reality of it sunk it, I felt a lot of different emotions. It has been and will be so difficult to say goodbye to the girls that we have spent so much time with, loving on them and empowering them to live up to their full potential.

As I was tucking one of my girls in tonight, I had to hold back the tears. She leaves on Wednesday and she is the girl with whom I have connected the most. We have very similar family histories and I think that is what allows for such a strong bond, even though she is unaware of my past. When she heard the news that Snyder was closing, she immediately started sobbing. She started talking about all the ways we have helped her and how much she will miss our hugs. It was overwhelmingly sad, yet I also felt so thankful to have been such a positive person in her life.

I was talking to Hannah about all the changes happening and she really opened my eyes to see how God was using this situation to bless us. Having the girls leave Hillview allows us the rare opportunity to see and hear how we have touched their lives. A job like this can be frustrating, as we may never see the kids again after they leave and are only left with the hope that we helped them in some sort of way. But after telling the girls that they were going to be leaving, some of them really started verbally processing all the changes they had made here. I felt affirmed in the work that I, that my co-workers and I, have done. I know that these girls will walk away different than when they first came to Hillview. I really praise God that He is allowing us to feel appreciated and really, to see the fruits of our labor.

I will really miss this one particular girl. I came to work always knowing that she was going to give me a big hug when I walked in the door. She could never stay mad at me for that long, even though she had some major attitude problems in the beginning. When she was getting dropped off at school or at visits, she would always send a message back saying that she loved me. I took this girl to visit her mom's grave on Mother's Day. I can't even put into words how good that experience was for both her and me.

Saying goodbye is so freaking hard. I've poured a year and a half of my life into these girls - blood, sweat and tears. Literally.

I'll miss you, my little crazies.