thoughts

I was off today and only felt a little bit guilty about not getting out of bed until 1230pm. But it was also a productive day. I finally got a smog check for my car, replaced the cracked fuel cap, and then went to Barnes and Nobles to read. You know you're growing up when your favorite place to go is the bookstore. It's nice and quiet in there, a place to get away. I also got a membership there because I realized I visited the place a lot more than I thought. That was exciting. Then my friend got off early from work and came over to hang out. She helped me clean my nasty kitchen so that my place is finally starting to look like a home!

I also got an email today that stirred up a lot of emotion. It caused me to think about how important parents are to a child. We look up to our parents. We long for their approval, love and acceptance no matter how much they may have hurt us. I think sometimes I hate them and love them at the same time, if that's even possible. It's interesting working at a place like this and seeing so many kids with loads of emotional pain caused from their parents' abuse, neglect and/or indifference. But even having gone through all of that, they still hold their parents on a pedestal and crave the relationship they may never have. It's sad to see that and even more disheartening to know that as they grow up, they'll realize that reality. And yet, it doesn't mean they won't still want to be loved by their parents, to be taken care of by their parents and to simply be important to their parents.

I wish I could be secure in myself and have the confidence to know that I'm worthy. I can't wait to be a mother someday, but I'm also terrified. God has bestowed upon parents such a crucial and challenging role.