all tied up

Oooooooooooh, it's been a while since I've written anything of substance here. I guess lately I've been feeling like my life has turned into a monotonous routine packed full of boredom and predictability. Work, sleep, work, maybe hang out with the co-workers at 10:30pm after everyone gets off, sleep a few hours, work again...and so on and so forth. I miss the sponteneity of college life, sleeping in on weekends, going to church with friends on Sunday and then watching hours of football. I miss having meaningful relationships with people who are not 2,000 miles away and always having people around to hang out with. I want to be passionate again, to be challenged and to do something different.

Mentally, it has been so hard for me to take the first step toward change...toward making a decision that may be risky, toward stepping out of my comfort zone. I want something different and I really desire change, but I also don't. Though 60% of the time I am unsatisfied with where I am in life right now, it's easier to avoid the unknowns and potential difficulties that change may bring.

I feel like I'm at war with myself. My heart doesn't know what it wants.

through the lens

While sitting outside with one of the boys, he started picking roses for me and throwing the petals up in the air to let the wind catch them


Pretty yellow rose with our playground in the background


He put these in my hair and wanted me to get a picture of them


He was not amused with all the funny faces I was making in the pictures and requested that I take one of myself smiling


Lincoln Logs with one of the boys


He very skeptically asked me, "Do YOU know how to play Lincoln Logs??"

good times, good friends

Here is part of what I did today. Productive? Probably not. Worth the time I wasted? Absolutely.

waterfalls, disney, and dancing

During the uncertainties of life here at Hillview, many of us houseparents have been spending a lot more time together. It is such a blessing to work with great people. I have been having WAY too many late nights, but the high-energy social activities that are going on almost every night now, help to soothe a stressed-out mind.

Last Tuesday, Tamara and I went with Mark and Nate on a hike at Eaton Canyon in Pasadena. Nate told us about the hike and I was hesitant to go, but the challenges of it sparked my curiosity and I decided to see what it was all about. It was intense, especially for someone who hadn't been active in tooooo long (dang it, I need to start working out). We had to climb up the side of a huge rock, walk across a three-foot wide ridge, scale the side of a rock while holding on for dear life lest you fall backwards and break a couple bones, climb almost straight down a "path" while holding on to a dog leash attached to a branch sticking out of the hill, and when we reached almost the end of the hike, we all slid off the top of a waterfall. Ah. I get nervous when I just think about it. I sat there at the top for a long while, contemplating if I really wanted to slide of the edge of a 30-foot drop. But I did!

Three days later, my legs are still sore, but at least I can walk normally now. I am out of shape. I need to get on that. Here are pictures!

After Mark went down the waterfall, I kept asking him questions about it. I had to be sure it was safe. [By the way, he posed like that in pretty much all of the pictures that were taken of him on this hike]


My turn down the waterfall. Ha, I was in shock when I hit the bottom. My poor little heart. But would I do it again? Yes.



Then last night, we hung out in one of the staff cottages playing Wii dance and Wii sing. Usually for game night, we'll play Spoons or Apples to Apples around the table, but it was fun to do something different last night. Wii sing Disney was a hit.

Enjoying the ridiculous singing and dancing


Nate and Mark performing the Tribal Dance


Mark and Cleaster singing "A Whole New World" with/to each other :)

apathy

I feel apathetic today...just blah.

BUT.

I would like to report that yesterday, I hung out with my sister and then went to see Erin in the evening. Erin and I sat around doing not much of anything for a while before deciding to take a spontaneous trip to Hermosa Beach to see some of her work friends. Okay, the neighborhoods in Hermosa have RIDICULOUS houses. What do these people DO to be able to afford houses like these?! One of these mansions even had a freaking bridge connecting the two parts of the house. We walked with Erin's dude friend down to the beach and then to a bar where the rest of her co-workers were hanging out. It was interesting. Not the type of scene that I'm used to, but it was fun to go out...do something different.

Also, I just realized that I'm working three full days because it's Labor Day weekend and the kids don't have school on Monday. Stupid holidays!! I will probably be working a little over 40 hours in these three days, which is good for my paycheck, but not good for my sanity. I've had too many late nights this past week and it's becoming impossible to catch up on my lack of sleep! Ah well.

I have some pictures that my sister and I took yesterday. I'll get some up later. I should have gone to bed an hour ago!